I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
