i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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