Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
