Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
