I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
