Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
