omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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