and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
