I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
