Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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