My first STD was from a foam party
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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