Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So many bounce houses so little time
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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