Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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