A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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