Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
