There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
