If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
