I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
