Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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