Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
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im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
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Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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