don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
