a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
