you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
