My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
