just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she told me i tasted like america
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
