WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
