Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
