How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
