So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
