Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
