Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
