i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
