we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
