I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
