So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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