moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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