apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
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you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
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After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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