capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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