why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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