She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
