will power is for people who don't want to get laid
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
