I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
