It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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