I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
