My room smells like vodka and shame
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
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How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
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2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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