Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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