Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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