would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
