what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
