she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
