Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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