the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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