haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
