Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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