wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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