I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I deserve this hangover.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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