I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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