Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
