i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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