This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
