hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
