I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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