I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
