I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
