Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
