Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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