Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
