spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
