I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
