omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
