turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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