I think i peed on brittanys purse
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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