we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
