god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
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i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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