I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
