I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird