what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
