i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.