i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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