I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy