just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
