I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.