Texts From Last Night

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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.

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  (732): there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me. http://tfl.nu/v26u
  Replies (10) Good night (3948) Bad night (1026)
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  (415): View more from California

  I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there

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  (415): I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there http://tfl.nu/3k7t
  Replies (76) Good night (10026) Bad night (1041)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.

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  (720): I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle. http://tfl.nu/5a1c
  Replies (9) Good night (1029) Bad night (2958)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.

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  (540): Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply. http://tfl.nu/723h
  Replies (20) Good night (5397) Bad night (1126)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.

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  (770): I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar. http://tfl.nu/rlky
  Replies (9) Good night (4068) Bad night (2354)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to

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  (704): My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to http://tfl.nu/cyq1
  Replies (13) Good night (4986) Bad night (1188)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.

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  (440): omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave. http://tfl.nu/dpnt
  Replies (24) Good night (8561) Bad night (1759)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."

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  (573): I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use." http://tfl.nu/1qa0
  Replies (8) Good night (5718) Bad night (976)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.

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  (240): Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic. http://tfl.nu/gchg
  Replies (5) Good night (4466) Bad night (1676)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.

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  (614): If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health. http://tfl.nu/8ftn
  Replies (7) Good night (1628) Bad night (982)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!

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  (765): Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you! http://tfl.nu/2ivd
  Replies (5) Good night (1791) Bad night (682)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good

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  (757): You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good http://tfl.nu/ql8q
  Replies (8) Good night (809) Bad night (424)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry

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  (317): Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry http://tfl.nu/y5n9
  Replies (7) Good night (988) Bad night (691)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.

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  (403): If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine. http://tfl.nu/ulb5
  Replies (3) Good night (643) Bad night (378)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention

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  (903): And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention http://tfl.nu/er1v
  Replies (1) Good night (960) Bad night (337)

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