Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras